Thursday, July 14, 2011
TEST
This is only a test. If my blog autofeed is indeed messing with me, then you will be reading this on facebook too. If you're not, then I have no idea what the problem is and I'm screwed. On second thought, I will just blame this all on facebook since they're famous for their little glitches anyway! Google+ for the win! ;o) Yt
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Mea Culpa
Dear Jill (not her real name of course),
Our mutual friend set us up, we met her and her beau for a double date at the local bowling alley. I liked you at first, you had a nice handshake, trusting eyes, a sweet smile and a very nice can. Your boobs were nothing to write home about, but even if they were, I don't think my mom would have appreciated such a letter.
Being an old fashioned sort of guy, I took care of the expenses, shoe rental, lane fees, even bought you a beer and some food then spent the next hour cursing my maker as you talked my Goddamned ear off about the most random nonsense I've ever been subjected to in my life. I especially loved how whenever it was my turn to bowl you spoke even louder, almost to the point of shouting so as to be heard over the din of the alley. You know, because it was important that I not miss out on your views about how hi-top sneakers help prevent cankles.
However, even though I didn't get so much as a handy-J out of you at the end of the evening, I probably should have called you sometime like I said I would. A fact that was explained to me days later (in some very colorful language) by our mutual friend who, it so happens, is no longer my friend as a result of our failed encounter.
So to you Jill (still not her real name) and to our mutual friend, I officially apologize for being an assjack.
There, now I can get into Heaven.
Our mutual friend set us up, we met her and her beau for a double date at the local bowling alley. I liked you at first, you had a nice handshake, trusting eyes, a sweet smile and a very nice can. Your boobs were nothing to write home about, but even if they were, I don't think my mom would have appreciated such a letter.
Being an old fashioned sort of guy, I took care of the expenses, shoe rental, lane fees, even bought you a beer and some food then spent the next hour cursing my maker as you talked my Goddamned ear off about the most random nonsense I've ever been subjected to in my life. I especially loved how whenever it was my turn to bowl you spoke even louder, almost to the point of shouting so as to be heard over the din of the alley. You know, because it was important that I not miss out on your views about how hi-top sneakers help prevent cankles.
However, even though I didn't get so much as a handy-J out of you at the end of the evening, I probably should have called you sometime like I said I would. A fact that was explained to me days later (in some very colorful language) by our mutual friend who, it so happens, is no longer my friend as a result of our failed encounter.
So to you Jill (still not her real name) and to our mutual friend, I officially apologize for being an assjack.
There, now I can get into Heaven.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Friends,
While a bad relationship can produce assjack stories galore, they’re not the only stories out there to be told. Bad bosses, thoughtless co-workers, idiot landlords and clueless neighbors all fit nicely into the definition of an assjack. (Or at least they would if Merriam-Webster would return our calls.)
Assjackery can even come from within your own family or circle of friends. (Yeah, assjackery. Used it in a sentence, so it’s a word now.) Your dad, baby sister, big brother, your (former) BFF or your touchy-feely Uncle Pete, all of them could exhibit behavior that puts them under the assjack umbrella too. Well not Uncle Pete, he’s a whole different story that probably shouldn’t be told here.
The point is (and yes there is one) relationship assjack tales are good, our bread and butter, why we started all this. But we’re now opening up the door to stories of assjackery from all walks of life. Only one caveat to the whole thing, let’s not get into stories about the guy that stole your parking spot or the chick with thirty items in the twelve-items-or-less aisle. Momentary nuisances like that are examples of an asshat, a close cousin of the assjack, and annoying though they may be, not really worth wasting pixels on.
All right people, the floor is open, unburden yourselves and share.
While a bad relationship can produce assjack stories galore, they’re not the only stories out there to be told. Bad bosses, thoughtless co-workers, idiot landlords and clueless neighbors all fit nicely into the definition of an assjack. (Or at least they would if Merriam-Webster would return our calls.)
Assjackery can even come from within your own family or circle of friends. (Yeah, assjackery. Used it in a sentence, so it’s a word now.) Your dad, baby sister, big brother, your (former) BFF or your touchy-feely Uncle Pete, all of them could exhibit behavior that puts them under the assjack umbrella too. Well not Uncle Pete, he’s a whole different story that probably shouldn’t be told here.
The point is (and yes there is one) relationship assjack tales are good, our bread and butter, why we started all this. But we’re now opening up the door to stories of assjackery from all walks of life. Only one caveat to the whole thing, let’s not get into stories about the guy that stole your parking spot or the chick with thirty items in the twelve-items-or-less aisle. Momentary nuisances like that are examples of an asshat, a close cousin of the assjack, and annoying though they may be, not really worth wasting pixels on.
All right people, the floor is open, unburden yourselves and share.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Online Dating
Have you ever tried? Doing it now? Know of any success stories? Tell us your success or horror stories. Did you meet him or her and they were totally not like their picture? We want to know! :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
How do you know if a Guy or Girl is into you?
Tell us some of your funny stories of how a guy or girl flirted or came onto you!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Is It Really The Thought That Counts?
Tell me the worst gift you have ever received from a significant other. Mine comes from a high school boyfriend and has yet to be topped.
His Dad had passed away when he was younger and while we were dating he went to the cemetery to visit. I was happy to see him later that day especially when I saw he had a tall box in his arms which I knew just had to be long stemmed roses. And they were! Only they were of the fake variety. You know…. the kind you would buy for a gravestone. Yes, that’s right, I received flowers from a cemetery.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
In the interest of diversity…
With the recent ruling in NYC allowing same-sex couples the right to legally wed, I think it only right that we here at Dear (Ass)Jack also extend the spirit of openness and inclusion to those living alternative lifestyles.
Therefore, I would like to invite any ladies out there with a Dear Jill story of heartbreak, relationship woes or dating hell to feel free to share it here… in great detail… seriously, let it all out sisters… with pictures if you have them. And to be fair I suppose guys can post a Dear Jack letter too if they wanna. But I'll let Sassypants read those.
Hey, I was invited to contribute here to offer my perspective on things as a guy. Well that's pretty much it right there.
Therefore, I would like to invite any ladies out there with a Dear Jill story of heartbreak, relationship woes or dating hell to feel free to share it here… in great detail… seriously, let it all out sisters… with pictures if you have them. And to be fair I suppose guys can post a Dear Jack letter too if they wanna. But I'll let Sassypants read those.
Hey, I was invited to contribute here to offer my perspective on things as a guy. Well that's pretty much it right there.
Dating
Dear Jack,
When you post on a dating site saying you are looking to "Date" I assume that is what you are looking for. But after many emails back and forth you tell me, "Oh I should be honest I am only looking for a friend. I have a girlfriend." What?
Then proceed to tell me after a few more emails that you and your girlfriend want a 3some and don't want it with a total stranger so you are using the dating site to meet someone so they aren't a total stranger really?
Then ask me if we can still be "friends". Also must note you weren't my top pick by any means! So the fact that I lowered my standards and this is what I came out with? Shame on me! What kind of people are really out there? Any normal ones or am I just asking for too much? I will go back to the 50 something year old guys and the 20 something year olds that are looking for "cougars". At least they were honest.
When you post on a dating site saying you are looking to "Date" I assume that is what you are looking for. But after many emails back and forth you tell me, "Oh I should be honest I am only looking for a friend. I have a girlfriend." What?
Then proceed to tell me after a few more emails that you and your girlfriend want a 3some and don't want it with a total stranger so you are using the dating site to meet someone so they aren't a total stranger really?
Then ask me if we can still be "friends". Also must note you weren't my top pick by any means! So the fact that I lowered my standards and this is what I came out with? Shame on me! What kind of people are really out there? Any normal ones or am I just asking for too much? I will go back to the 50 something year old guys and the 20 something year olds that are looking for "cougars". At least they were honest.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Chalk Tease:
Dear Jill,
Thanks for letting me spend an entire school year longing for you when you knew from the start that you were never going to give me a shot. All the time I spent thinking about you, all the bad poetry I wrote for you, all the little gifts I snuck onto your desk when I thought you weren't looking, all for nothing. So what if you were 32 and I was 12 at the time? You could have been honest with me instead of leading me on, stringing me along all the way through the 6th grade. And to think, I clapped your erasers for you. I was such a sap.
Really?????
Dear Jack,
I loved how we chatted through email and texting for weeks and I was looking forward to finally meeting you. We met and had a great time chatting for 4 hours at the restaurant, laughing and enjoying each others' company. Only for you to never call me again? Really?? I did enjoy that HUGE waste of time! Too bad for you too. You were really hawt! Now? Not so much!
Sincerely,
Sassypants
I loved how we chatted through email and texting for weeks and I was looking forward to finally meeting you. We met and had a great time chatting for 4 hours at the restaurant, laughing and enjoying each others' company. Only for you to never call me again? Really?? I did enjoy that HUGE waste of time! Too bad for you too. You were really hawt! Now? Not so much!
Sincerely,
Sassypants
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tell Us About It!
Here's the place for you to share your letters with us. Please post a comment and tell us about the special assjack in your life.
Yours truly
Sample Letter
Dear Jack,
Thanks for stringing me along for three long years with the promise of a future life together and then leaving me for my hair stylist Felipe! Do you know how long it took me to find a good stylist??? Assjack.
Yours truly
Saturday, June 25, 2011
What We're All About
Let me start right off by saying that this blog is NOT about bashing all men. We love you guys! It’s how we got our hearts broken in the first place. Men are always welcome here. This blog is to specifically address the one or two assjacks we’ve encountered in our lives who left us heartbroken.
It’s about gaining closure through writing a letter to “Jack" OR to "Jill." The assjack gene does not discriminate based on gender. We can tell him or her what we never had the chance to say at the time of the break-up.
It doesn't even have to be a recent break-up. You may be happy and in a healthy relationship right now. But that little prick from middle school who broke your twelve year old heart still pops up in your mind from time to time. And yes it’s thirty years later but you still think he’s a little prick. Whether he is or not is irrelevant. You’ve been carrying around this negativity for thirty years!!
It is time to purge those feelings in a healthy way. So go ahead and write down everything you weren't able to say then. Write without restraint knowing we support you…. write knowing that we empathize with you.
Bashing other users will not be tolerated on this site. All rude comments will be deleted and ten years of bad relationship karma will befall the poster for annoying us. I can’t explain exactly how that part will work. It’s all very scientific so you’re just going to have to trust me on this one. Be kind to one another. Lift one another up. Remember you know just how they feel.
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